A Matter of State
by ravenhaired
Summary: After the birth of her second child, Morgase shares a vulnerable moment with her Aes Sedai advisor...chapter four up.
1. Etiquette

_A Matter of State_

**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the Wheel of Time. Honest._

**Summary:** _After the birth of her second child, Morgase shares a vulnerable moment with her Aes Sedai advisor..._

**A/N:** _I think the timeline is slightly off and maybe a few facts conveniently overlooked or twisted in favour of the story..._

* * *

Morgase was bored. Bored, tired and frustrated. Her breasts ached, from milk that was rarely sucked. Sometimes she regretted passing Elayne to a wet nurse...yet it hardly seemed proper, did it? A Queen suckling a child... 

Quickly, she shook off the momentary regret, listening, albeit half-heartedly to whatever Reen Halfar was saying. Tiredness she felt keenly at that moment.

The clerk eyed the single sheaf of paper he held, licking his lips, and smoothing his hair - or what little he had of it - absently. She watched, slightly amused, even when Elaida, who sat in a chair a little way away, tutted absently. She loathed vanity in men...but then Elaida loathed all men.

A slight flush crept up the Queens neck as she thought of her Aes Sedai Advisor...like that. It was hard to imagine Elaida with anyone, but even harder to imagine her a _virgin_...

Indecent thoughts, Morgase reprimanded herself silently, indecent thoughts for any woman, least of all a Queen...

But still...

She concentrated on Reen, even ignoring the ache in her breasts.

"As I said, Your Majesty," He said, puffing up on his own self-importance. "The grain is spoiled. Rats in the cellars, you see -"

"I don't like rats," Elaida said absently, watching her knitting needles intently.

Reen's lips quirked. "Who does?" He practically purred. Fool man, thinking he could quip with an Aes Sedai. Maybe a less stern one would quip back, but not Elaida.

She regarded him coolly, before turning to Morgase as if he did not exist. "Cats," she said simply. "And I'll place a ward,"

She didn't ask permission, as would be proper, but then Morgase did not want to argue with her, the serpent ring on her right hand suddenly seeming very heavy. Elaida had gone through the training and Morgase could only imagine how powerful she was with saidar, when she herself could only channel a trickle. If it came to a battle of wills, Morgase had no illusions. Elaida would win without so much as raising a finger.

"Certainly," She agreed cordially, even though it hadn't been a request. Yet appearances had to be kept, even in front of Reen Halfar.

Elaida nodded to herself, sinking back into the cushions, her dark eyes again intent on the knitting.

"Shall I buy more grain?" Reen inquired.

"Of course," Morgase said, irritated. "Unless you want us to starve,"

"Permission must be -"

"Obtained. I'm aware," Morgase's voice and mood were becoming darker. "Well, Master Halfar," She said, voice honeyed and mocking. Reen's cheeks burned. "I give you permission to see the Royal Household doesn't starve,"

"Yes, indeed, Your Majesty," He muttered. Then he bowed. "May I leave?"

She nodded.

He backed away, not turning his back, even fumbling with the knob without looking, and then bowing low, before clicking the door shut again.

Elaida's eyebrow had half-raised as she looked at Morgase.

Morgase said nothing, looking away. Let the Aes Sedai judge her and think her foolish for being irritable and sarcastic.

The knitting needles took up a steady rhythm, a constant tempo, and Morgase felt herself soothed as she listening to the click that seemed so permenant in a world were everything was falling to pieces around her.

Thom Merrilin. The name came unbidden to her mind. Her forehead creased as she thought of the Court Bard. Too friendly by half, too comfortable in her presence...too dishonest.

Morgase flushed, as she thought of the _Former_ Court Bard. Former if he ever dared show his face again. Promising he would not leave her. She had believed him, too, burn him. It had been so easy, so_ easy_, to believe him...especially when she had been lying in his arms.

She missed that.

The days after Taringail's death were...hard. Whatever the rumours surrounding him was, he was her husband, the father of her children, and...something warm to sleep beside. Thom had been there, so warm, strong and comforting. Never forcing her, always easing, never forcing...

But then he had gotten a message. What it was, Morgase did not know. He wouldn't tell her, though his face had gone ashen and he had sat, plucking idle tunes on his harp for days, not lifting his eyes to look at anything or anyone. Morgase had considered calling a physician.

And then he had practically assaulted Elaida Sedai.

Morgase had awoken to find him gone from sitting dully by the window.

Elaida had informed her, with ruffled dignity, later that morning that Thomdil Merrilin, Former Court Bard of Andor, had assaulted her while she ate breakfast. Almost. He hadn't _actually_ laid hands on her, but that was only because Elaida had slammed him against the wall with a flow of air.

"Why?" Morgase remembered asking, aghast that Thom would do that. Aghast that he would be so ifoolishi/.

"The current business of the Tower has upset Master Merrilin," Elaida said, her voice icier that Morgase could ever remember it being, then or since. "He attacked simply because he assumed I was involved,"

"In what?"

"Tower business. Aes Sedai affairs," Elaida said dismissively and Morgase knew she would get no more a conclusive answer. And she would do herself no favours by pressing the Aes Sedai.

Morgase was shaken out of her thoughts when the steady click ended. She looked over at Elaida, who was examining her knitting, all the delicate stitches and loops. In a deep blue wool. Morgase's lips twitched.

"What are you making?" Morgase asked finally.

"Nothing," Elaida paused for a moment. "A scarf, maybe,"

"Who for?" Morgase grimaced as the ache increased, absently touching her left breast, gently rubbing it in circles.

Elaida followed her hand, then looked away abruptly, colouring gently. "No one,"

"No one?" Morgase felt an unexpected surge of pity; not only for the Aes Sedai, but for herself. For some reason it seemed immensely sad that Elaida had no one to make a scarf for. "Then why bother?"

"I like knitting," Elaida said softly, an edge creeping into her voice, as if Morgase was going to challenge her.

Morgase shrugged, pressing harder at her breast. Elaida pretended not to watch. "Are you in pain?" She asked finally after a moment.

"A bit," Morgase admitted. "Its the milk, you see,"

"Yes," Elaida looking a bit disconcerted. She was not a maternal woman. "Yes, I see...I think there's a...salve. Yes, salve, that you can use on it,"

"On my breasts?"

Elaida coughed nervously. "Yes...there,"

"I would try it," Morgase said vaguely. "I'd try anything to relieve it...but Lini wont let me suckle Elayne, says its un-Queenly. People don't want their Queen to be a real woman,"

"Oh," A deep flush was settling on Elaida's face.

"Sometimes it soaks the front of my gown, you know," Morgase wasn't completely sure why she was telling the Aes Sedai this. It wasn't something she could tell to someone who wasn't her equal; in a sense every Aes Sedai was equal to a queen - or at least thats what they let you believe. And it would embarass both her and Lini. Lini was like her mother...and there was some things that you didn't discuss with your mother, including how tender your breasts were. "It leaks,"

"Ah," Elaida looked awkwardly down at her hands. "Well...some Yellow sisters think...that...massaging the breasts can be beneficial,"

Morgase smiled. "Thats what I'm trying to do," She nodded downwards.

"Ah...obviously," Elaida replied.

"Its not helping much," Morgase continued. "I think you have to get someone to do it for you,"

A strange look came to Elaida's face, then went so quickly Morgase couldn't quite identify it.

An idea formed. She could _never_ ask anyone else...and since Thom had gone...and who would the Aes Sedai tell?...she had no one...

"Will you rub them for me?" Morgase was surprised at how coy she sounded. This could almost be taken as...flirtation. Morgase had never been with a woman before. Never. But...it didn't seem entirely unpleasant.

Elaida looked stunned. Her mouth actually dropped open for a moment. "Well...ah...would that be appropriate? I..."

"Please," Morgase stared directly into her eyes, blue eyes meeting dark eyes. "It hurts," And it did. Morgase didn't enjoy pain, nor was she used to enduring it.

The Aes Sedai smoothed her gown. "All...alright," She said shakily, shocking Morgase. Elaida's voice had _shaken_.

Slowly, very slowly as if delaying the moment, she got up and crossed the short space between them, knelt, then, with trembling hands, gently pressed them to Morgase's breasts, one thumb over each nipple. She breathed out slowly, then began to rub in circles.

Morgase was shocked when her nipples hardened as Elaida rubbed, becoming more confident with every stroke, gently easing the pain from her.

"You're so gentle," Morgase found herself whispering, almost as if she had no control over her own voice.

Elaida smiled vaguely. She wasn't so hard anymore, Morgase thought, not so hard by half, not when the fire bathed half her face in soft orange light, playing on her dark hair. "I should have been Yellow," She joked quietly.

"Maybe," Morgase agreed, "You have the hands,"

Elaida's flush deepened.

"It's been hard, you know," Morgase said sleepily. "Hard, since Taringail died, since Thom left..."

"I know, Morgase, I know," There was a strange timber to Elaida's voice, as if she truly understood.

Morgase felt her eyes close, her head loll back against the chair. It was nice, warm and comfortable, with a friend...

Morgase smiled dully to herself, lyinghalf-asleep against the chair back. The rubbing stopped and Elaida withdrew, but not far. She stood, standing over Morgase, observing the dozing Queen. Morgase had not the strength to look back. Gently, Elaida's fingers brushed hair from her face, running a warm forefinger down the side of her face and across her lips. "It was for you, you know," She said suddenly, huskily. "The scarf, for you, Morgase. Always for you,"

Morgaze didn't answer, though inside something tore and something warmed at the same time. Her eyelids flickered but didn't open.

She felt a soft kiss at the side of her mouth, then another on her temple, then another gentle stroke from a thumb down her cheek.

Then she heard the soft click at the door, as Elaida left the Queen to sleep by the fire.

* * *

_The End_


	2. Illness

**_A Matter of State_**

_**Chapter Two: **Illness_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Wheel of Time._

_**A/N:** As with the first, some facts have been overlooked. Particulairly Elaida's healing ability, which I didn't find out about until after this was written...glares at Whitty _

* * *

Morgase of Andor was not a woman used to enduring illness. She could rarely remember being ill, the last time being when she was a child. 

She sniffled, holding her hands grimly in front of the fire, waiting while her Advisor silently prepared tea, dipping lemon in the liquid.

Elaida was dressed in red, as usual, her hair piled high on her head, tendrils floating about her face, hands working smoothly at the sideboard. Morgase envied her at that moment, feeling distinctively unattractive, sitting in her dressing gown.

"Here," Elaida handed her the cup and Morgase sniffed at it experimentally. Elaida tutted. "Its only lemon,"

"And this will help?"

Elaida looked bemused for a moment. "Well...it certainly tastes nice,"

Morgase smiled vaguely, as she sipped, pleasantly surprised at the taste.

Elaida settled herself in the chair opposite and took up her knitting - something in yellow, looking vaguely sock-like. "Tell me; what of the attitude to the increased taxes in the south?"

"Still bleak," Morgase replied, launching into a speech she had recited many times for many different people, all of whom needed to be informed of the situation and all of whom never seemed to be together. It was near impossible to get hold of the Head of the Treasury these days, the woman who needed to be informed most prominently, and Morgase had finally caught her the night before.

Elaida nodded along and Morgase wondered if it was a facade. Elaida was not as clever with numbers as she would have many believe. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and Morgase found herself momentarily distracted, watching.

Elaida leaned forward. "You're illness must be affecting your concentration, Morgase," She reached out and gently touched her forehead with two fingers. "You're warm - a fever, I think,"

"Yes...a fever," Morgase replied, trying hard not to enjoy it as Elaida began to fuss, brushing back her hair and touching her face. "It's not that bad,"

"No...no..." Elaida agreed. "Though...it's a pity, really, I'm not more of a healer,"

Morgase's lips tweaked. "I thought with your hands you'd be a natural,"

Elaida laughed uneasily. "I never was much good at it...I can hardly heal a bruise. When I was young, I gave them more often than I healed -" Abruptly, she broke off, turning away as if she had said too much.

Morgase smiled and caught her hand, gently rubbing circles on the back of it. "You know, I find it difficult to picture you as anything but Aes Sedai - let alone a child,"

Elaida looked down and flushed, before jerking her hand out of Morgase's grasp and practically throwing herself in the chair opposite. "Ah, we were all young once,"

"You still are," Morgase said, tilting her head to one side, knowing she was carefully advancing on the issue of how old the woman was - something that Aes Sedai would rather spit on the table than speak of.

Elaida's lips quirked in spite of themselves. "Still am? I doubt it,"

Morgase chewed on her lower lip, wondering if the Aes Sedai would be angered if she were to ask the question. Finally, "Why?"

Elaida's eyes were amused, even as they tightened. "How old am I, Morgase?"

"Ah, no, no -"

"Thank the Light you're not Aes Sedai, else the oaths would have you on the floor, tied in knots," Elaida replied softly.

"Well...you don't have to answer...if you don't want to..." Morgase said, hurriedly trying to undo damage.

"Sixty-four,"

Morgase's jaw almost slid open. Only years of discipline kept her face calm, apart from the slight widening of her eyes.

Elaida smiled, sadly this time. "See? I'm an old woman,"

"Nonsense," Morgase managed, not really believing it herself. "Lini is...at least fifteen years older,"

"Ah, Lini, who has attended three generations of Trakand ladies," Elaida said, with a strange vein of humour in it.

"Well...you hardly look it," Morgase offered.

To her surprise, Elaida laughed - a real laugh this time, not a nervous squeak. It was rich and throaty, and Morgase felt herself compelled to join in. Elaida's face was flushed with amusement, one tendril of hair hanging in her eyes... and Morgase realised that Elaida was beautiful.

She stopped laughing, as all humour fled from the situation. For one moment she stared at the still laughing Aes Sedai, mouth drying. Improper thoughts, all decency forgotten...it wasn't seemly, this...flirtation with her advisor. Once - _once _- she had toyed with the idea of taking it further. A moment of weakness, she had put it down to, a moment of vulnerability after Taringail and Thom, after Elayne's birth when she was feeling lonely...It simply wasn't done.

Then Elaida looked at her curiously. "Is there something the matter?"

"No," It was much too high.

Elaida's eyebrows quirked. "Again - had you been an Aes Sedai you'd be in knots on the floor,"

Morgase looked at her. "Damnable Aes Sedai know-it-all," It wasn't mocking.

Elaida looked taken aback by the sudden switch in the Queen's demeanour. "Morgase -"

"You should leave,"

Elaida looked puzzled. "I don't understand -"

"You don't have to," The words were sharp. "Just leave, leave me,"

For a moment, Morgase thought Elaida would resist. Her brows had knitted together and her face darkened. She was staring at the Queen with barely controlled fury. She jerked to her feet and turned, her skirts swirling.

"Before you go; take the tea - its gone cold anyway,"

Elaida stood frozen for a moment, back to Morgase, staunchly refusing to acknowledge her command. "You'd do well not to anger me, Morgase, I am the White Tower's representative - I am the Amyrlin Seat's voice in Andor,"

"Take the tea,"

Morgase saw Elaida's hands clench and unclench - but Morgase knew Elaida would never lash out against her. Morgase knew Elaida loved her too much for that. Quilt was a curious thing to experience, so soon after anger.

Elaida turned stiffly, with the formality of an arms woman, and bent over Morgase, taking the cup.

Morgase caught both her wrists. "I don't mean to be angry, Elaida, I really don't,"

Elaida hesitated.

"You don't understand. You said so," Morgase sighed. "Do you remember that day when the rats spoiled the grain?"

"Yes," A peculiar note crept into her voice.

"Remember...I remember it too," Morgase looked up and ran her forefinger along Elaida's chin, other hand still clenched about her right wrist. Elaida's breath caught. "You kissed me,"

Elaida's face whitened. "I did n - " She choked, spluttering and coughing, as she staggered. But again, she tried to lie, "I did n- " That sent her to her knees, wracked with coughs. Bleakly, she peered around at Morgase. "Yes," She said after a long moment. "Yes, I did,"

"I didn't mind,"

Elaida's face was carefully guarded. "Oh?"

Morgase's voice went very, very quiet. "Had I been less tired, I would have kissed you back,"

Elaida struggled onto her knees, sitting in front of Morgase's chair. "Really?"

"Yes," Morgase paused.

A strange light came to her eyes, as she caught Morgase's hand. For a moment, she hesitated, then gently ran her lips along the Queen's fingertips. Morgase swallowed as the warmth spread through her hand. "Ah...Elaida...we...I don't think..."

Elaida ignored her. She gripped the sides of Morgase's face and pulled her down into a kiss, squashing her lips against the Queen's. Morgase made a small sound of protest, even as Elaida slipped her tongue inside her mouth and pushed upwards, moaning into Morgase's mouth. Morgase's hands found Elaida's shoulders and she attempted to push Elaida away...but Elaida would not be deterred. She used the opportunity to slip her arms about Morgase and pull Morgase on to the ground along with her, kissing her collarbone. Morgase shifted involuntarily into Elaida's mouth, the sleek wetness moving down her neck. A soft sigh tore from her throat, even as her mind worked...this simply wasn't right. It _couldn't_ be right, could it? Oh, Light, that felt good, light, Elaida, sweet Elaida, soft, kind, good Elaida, so lonely, sad and vulnerable...

Light forbid anyone should find out. This could be used for black mail, could be used to force her from the throne, could disinherit the House of Trakand completely, send them into loose Elayne the opportunity to rule.

Morgase's eyes flew open. Whatever the consequences to herself, she would not shame her children in such a manner. These...activities...may be an open secret in the Tower, yet they were still frowned upon in Andoran Society...not to mention the rumours about the White Tower tying ever more strings to Andor. The Queen with an Aes Sedai lover...

Morgase managed a humourless smile, as Elaida gently kissed the exposed flesh just above Morgase's breast. "Elaida...sweeting...stop," It wasn't a command; it was a request.

Elaida took heed this time, looking up. "We can't. You know we can't -"

"Why?"

"You...you understand that there are people opposed, yes? I can't afford to upset the public...not when it could be avoided,"

"But if it was Thom -"

"Thom is hardly different," Morgase said softly. "People would have been more accepting, yes, but even then it would be greeted with hostility - people don't want their Queen to be a real woman,"

"And a Queen with another woman?"

"Worse," Morgase smiled down into Elaida's face. "Worse, I'm afraid. I'm sorry,"

Elaida looked down to the carpet. A hand quickly brushed moisture from her eyes. "Of course I understand that,"

Morgase's chewed her lip dismally. "I am sorry,"

"No need to be," Elaida said hoarsely. "Its me, you know, its me. I became too involved - I didn't guard myself against it...against...love," She forced it out in a hiss. "I didn't think I would find it outside the Tower,"

Morgase frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Ah, Morgase, haven't you worked it out yet?" Elaida sounded impatient. "The Tower knows about these types of...relationships,"

"And everyone...?"

"Not everyone. Most. At least once," Elaida sighed. "I left to come here,"

"Oh," Morgase was suddenly awkward and guilty.

"She was nothing like you, you know," Elaida continued quietly. "She was dark - dark hair, dark eyes and pale skin. Before I met you, I thought I had a 'type'," She laughed softly.

Morgase managed a weak laugh in response. "Well, I thought I only liked men,"

Elaida looked up and smiled, gently touching her knee. "You should try to like them. It's lonely if you don't,"

"I suppose it is," Morgase replied, brushing back hair from Elaida's eyes.

Morgase rolled away from Elaida, holding her dressing gown closed with one hand. She got to her feet, realising the Aes Sedai had not moved. She turned, puzzled, towering over Elaida's crouched form.

She was wiping away tears.

Morgase didn't know what to do. She stood, helpless, one hand half-raised. "Elaida - "

"Don't say anything more, Morgase. I understand. I know. You don't have to repeat yourself," This time, Elaida struggled to her feet, face turned slightly away.

"I know how you feel, I honestly do," Morgase said, with a hint of desperation in her voice. She already felt Elaida pulling from her, distancing herself, making the strange closeness they had formed since Elaida had taken up the position of advisor impossible to re-attain. She had been surprised they had been able to form any sort of closeness - when Morgase first laid eyes on Elaida, she was sure the Aes Sedai would be an impossible ice-sculpture. "I know loneliness-"

Elaida's bitter laugh cut Morgase off. "Loneliness? _Loneliness_? You know nothing of loneliness, Morgase, _nothing._"

Morgase was stunned at the venom in her voice. Even after all of this, she was surprised that the Aes Sedai could feel such emotions. "I wouldn't quite say that,"

Elaida snorted. "Thank the light you're not an Aes Sedai - _thank the light_,"

Morgase didn't say anything. She just stared bleakly at Elaida.

The energy seemed to die from her. She tugged awkwardly on the sleeve of her dress. "I'm sorry,"

"It's alright,"

"It's just..." Elaida shrugged. "I'm sorry," She repeated.

Morgase nodded.

"Well," Elaida drew in an explosive breath. "Well...I'll go, shall I? Yes, that would be a good idea. I need to write...things," She turned her back and started across the room, leaving her knitting.

"Elaida,"

"Yes?" She paused at the door, not looking around.

"Had the circumstances been different...you know,"

Elaida's shoulders shook. "Yes," She said in a strangled tone, opening the door and glancing back. "Yes, I know...goodbye, Morgase,"

She clicked the door shut after her.

Morgase stared at the shut door for a long moment, before sitting heavily in Elaida's chair, gently running her forefinger over the Aes Sedai's knitting.

* * *

**_The End_**


	3. Tower Business

_**A Matter of State **_

_**Chapter ****Three:**_Tower Business

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own the Wheel of Time.

**_A/N:_** The last chapter and Eirana can be found in some of my other stories, most notably 'Reflections'.

_**Dedication:**_ Rare I ever do a dedication. For Helen, who made the right decision in the end too.

* * *

Morgase's eyes were blazing as she stalked around the room, taking in the elaborate decorations with a sweep of her eyes. The decorations seemed cold and insulting now - now that they had lost Elayne. She was alone, alone to chew over her words and actions.

The White Tower, the Aes-bloody-Sedai, burn them all. She took a deep breath, attempting to calm down. Getting angry was not going to help herself or Elayne. All the same...all the same...

A tentative knock sounded at the door.

"Come!" Morgase barked, spinning on her heels to face the door.

Elaida poked her head around the door, before slipping inside. "Good afternoon, Morgase," She said smoothly, closing the door behind her.

"Afternoon," Morgase sneered. "_Afternoon_,"

Elaida didn't comment on her tone. "The Amyrlin Seat will see you this evening,"

"This _evening_?" Morgase spat the word. "Why not _now_?"

"The Amyrlin has other business to attend to -"

"But what about my _daughter_?"

"Your daughter will be found," Elaida regarded Morgase coolly. "I assure you, Elayne will be found if I have to do it myself,"

That halted Morgase briefly. She touched a thoughtful finger to her lip. "I didn't think you cared for Elayne that much,"

"I don't," Elaida said shortly.

Morgase's eyebrows lifted. She had not expected such a blunt reply. "...then why?"

"She's the Daughter-Heir of Andor. The only Queen to be an Aes Sedai in too long a time," Elaida said softly. "That's why I care. All for the White Tower, even if her tastes are not my own," Elaida paused delicately. "And she's _your_ daughter, I suppose,"

Morgase felt a stab of guilt. "Yes...yes...of course,"

"The Amyrlin doesn't care for Elayne the way I do," Elaida continued in a low tone. "She will use Elayne as all the past Amyrlins have used Andor. I would not hurt Elayne...though it may appear otherwise,"

Morgase sighed. "It's...it's frustrating, Elaida,"

"Yes, I know," Elaida's voice was still quiet, still melodious and understanding.

Morgase hesitated. Hesitated only briefly, before coming forward and drawing Elaida into a tentative hug. To her horror, she felt tears in her eyes, and hurriedly pressed her forehead into Elaida's shoulder. It did little good, as the tears fell and Elaida gently stroked her back. "Who was that woman I saw you with earlier?" Morgase asked suddenly, surprising both herself and Elaida.

"Oh...you saw that?" Elaida's voice was tinged with embarrassment. "That...that was Eirana,"

"Who?"

"I told you about her, years ago...you probably don't remember,"

"I was ill,"

"Ah...yes, yes, you were ill," Elaida sounded awkward now. They had never spoken about that. "Well...that was her,"

"She seemed nice,"

"Nice...nice...that's not a word I would use to describe Eirana," Elaida sounded amused in spite of herself.

Morgase drew back and gazed up at Elaida. "Then why do you stay with her?"

Elaida looked perplexed for a moment, as if she had never thought about the question. "Because I love her, I suppose,"

Morgase was stunned. She had heard Elaida comment on love only once before. "I see," She said tightly. Light, she was _jealous_. In Andor, Morgase knew Elaida's eyes were always fixed squarely on her. It had made Morgase...happy. Pleased to know that someone saw her as a woman, as something to be desired, even if it was another woman. In the White Tower...burn Eirana, burn her to the pit of doom.

"Yes," Elaida agreed mildly. "She's...special to me,"

"How so?" Morgase was ashamed at how sharp her voice was.

"Because she's...Eirana," Elaida sounded lost, as though she couldn't quite explain it. "She's always been there,"

"I see," Morgase repeated. "Indeed, I see,"

"Why?"

Morgase shrugged. "I can inquire, can't I?"

"I suppose so," Elaida was examining her through half-closed eyes.

"Yes, well," Morgase drew fully away from Elaida now, turning her back. "You say the Amyrlin -"

Abruptly she broke off, turning back. Elaida had caught her wrist and held it in a loose grip Morgase could seem to - or didn't want to - break. Morgase stared at it for a moment, and then raised her eyes to Elaida's face. "What?" Now Morgase's voice was low.

Elaida took half a step forward. "I told you...I told you a long time ago these relationships were accepted in the White Tower," She said throatily. "I told you,"

"Yes, I know, I have no objections to you and this Eirana -"

Morgase gasped as Elaida bent her head quickly, as though intending to cut off Eirana's name specifically, and pressed her lips to Morgase's. It wasn't a sensual kiss, just the pressure of firmly clenched lips pressed to another set of the same kind. Morgase stared at Elaida as though she had never seen her before...indeed, it was as if she _hadn't_ seen her before. Elaida's eyes were hungry and desperate, though her face was calm.

"I don't understand," Morgase finally said. "I don't understand...you have Eirana,"

"What's Eirana to you?" Elaida sounded quietly despairingly. "What's _anyone_ to you, Morgase? I love Eirana, yes, I've loved her for years, for _years_, but...but...I love you more,"

"Don't talk nonsense," Morgase said shakily.

"I'm not, burn you," Elaida replied. "I'm not," She inched forward again and grabbed Morgase's elbows. "You think Eirana does not love anyone else? She did love someone, though she couldn't see it, even when the girl loved Eirana, still Eirana couldn't see it. She...does not like to loose things. And she lost me. That lost her the girl's love, lost her everything. She's...half what she was, Eirana, so changed and so different I barely recognise her,"

Morgase just stared. "But we can't, even if Eirana...I already said..." Elaida pressed a gentle finger to her lips, halting the flow of words.

"I already told you," Elaida whispered. "These types of relationships are accepted in the Tower,"

"But _only_ in the Tower..."

"Only in the Tower," Elaida agreed. "That's why I was sent here, you know, to be tested...my father found in bed with a serving girl," Morgase giggled, something she hadn't done in years. She hadn't had time. "So one would almost say the Tower is were a relationship is formed and were a relationship must stay,"

That took away her laughter. She bit her lip, contemplating. "If anyone finds out -"

"They won't," Elaida assured her, in a voice that made Morgase want to trust her with her soul, as she leaned over and planted a kiss just below Morgase's eyes, were the tear-tracks were drying. "They won't, darling,"

Morgase was very aware of how loud her breathing was. Elaida was so close she could smell the faint perfume she wore - odd how she never noticed that before, Morgase thought. Slowly, very slowly, Morgase leaned up and kissed Elaida, hardly surprised when the taller woman pulled her closer, slipping her arms around Morgase's waist.

Elaida took the lead, right from the start, giving Morgase short. Morgase half-gasped when the kisses started on her neck, quicker now and Morgase entwined her arms about Elaida's neck.

* * *

Morgase awoke later and wondered where she was. It was quiet and dark and Morgase found herself beginning to doze gently, a small smile playing on her face, as Elaida shifted beside her, pressing her face into Morgase's bare shoulder, one arm loosely slung around her shoulders.

A clock chimed in the other room.

"It's late," Morgase muttered. "I have to go to the Amyrlin,"

"Don't, not yet, you still have time..." Elaida replied drowsily, kissing Morgase's ear.

Morgase didn't reply, just gripped Elaida's hand, examining the great serpent ring that she wore on her middle finger. She flushed as memories played in her mind, of what these hands were capable of. She spun the ring; smiling, surprised that it was loose on Elaida's finger.

"Its forever slipping off," Elaida said suddenly.

Morgase glanced behind her. Elaida was propped up on one elbow, hair hanging haphazardly about her face, smiling softly. "I'm surprised," Was all Morgase replied, turning so they were face to face, still playing with the ring. "I thought it would be wedged on firmly. Mine is,"

"Not mine," Elaida replied. "Merean Sedai had me running all over the Tower searching for it when I was an Accepted, because I came to her in tears to say I had lost it - the day after I received it," She chuckled at the memory.

"Merean?"

"She was Mistress of the Novices - before your time. I keep forgetting how much older I am than you," Elaida said.

Morgase felt a small flush of pleasure that Elaida trusted her enough to speak of age. "Yes...but you'll outlive me by decades,"

A flash of pain crossed Elaida's face. Morgase quickly realised her error. "Ah...I'm sorry, Elaida, I am sorry, I didn't think..."

"It's alright," Elaida looked down for a moment. "It's true, isn't it?"

"I suppose," Morgase said, then in a lighter tone. "I find it difficult to believe that you're sixty-"

"Seventy," Elaida corrected ruefully. "That was years ago, remember, Morgase, seventy-eight now,"

"Seventy-eight," Morgase said wonderingly, staring at Elaida's smooth, ageless features, and her young body, with not a wrinkle in sight. "I certainly hope I look like you when I'm seventy-eight. If I even get to seventy-eight,"

"Oh, you'll get there, my darling, you'll get there," Elaida cut in softly, putting an end to the banter. "You'll live to see your grandchildren,"

"How do you know?"

Elaida gave her a deadpan look. "I'm Aes Sedai,"

Morgase laughed. "Indeed, you're Aes Sedai," She hesitated, as Elaida began to kiss her brow. "But I won't have any grandchildren if I don't find my daughter,"

Elaida drew back. "And your sons, don't forget your sons," She smiled. "Though I can take the hint. It's time to visit Siuan Sanche, isn't it?"

"Are you coming with me?" Morgase hoped Elaida would.

"Naturally," Elaida replied. "So the Amyrlin Seat and I can bully you together,"

Morgase laughed again as she slipped out of bed, padding across the floor to were her dress had been discarded. "I remember. It was always Sanche on one side of me and you on the other, talking over my head like I was a fool and then badgering me with arguments you had obviously prepared," She glanced towards the bed, were Elaida was stretching out like a cat. Morgase admired her for a moment, and then frowned at the dress. "I'm going to have to call a serving woman to help me dress," She said regretfully, unwilling to break up the intimateness of the situation.

"I'll help you," Elaida replied, coming up behind her.

Morgase flushed. "Well...if you want..."

"Oh, I do,"

Elaida's hands were quick as they fastened the buttons up Morgase's back, and gentle, not rough like the servants Morgase was used to. "If you ever get tired of being an Aes Sedai, you can be my personal body servant,"

Elaida laughed. "I'd like that,"

Morgase was almost disappointed she couldn't help Elaida dress, who assured Morgase that she had been dressing by herself for years.

They left the rooms together, as the clock chimed a second time. "'Don't go, no yet, you still have time'," Morgase said in a gentle mocking voice as they quickened their pace towards the Amyrlin's office. Not even the Queen of Andor kept the Amyrlin Seat waiting.

Elaida smiled, though her face froze. Morgase glanced up the corridor. Eirana was standing under one of the lanterns, frowning disapprovingly at them. "You came this way six hours ago," She accused as soon as they were within earshot.

Morgase stared at the Aes Sedai. This Aes Sedai made no pretence of being cool and collected. Rage played on her face as she stared between the two of them.

It was Elaida who was pretending. Her face had clicked into the impassiveness Aes Sedai were famed for. "Can I not visit the Queen of Andor if I wish? I am her advisor, after all,"

"Of course. But why would you feel the need to stay for six hours? You only needed to tell her the time of her appointment with the Amyrlin. In six hours, you could have done many things. Twice," Her eyes glittered maliciously and Morgase suddenly felt uneasy, whereas before she had felt irritated.

"You are Eirana Sedai?" She broke in suddenly. "Elaida has told me of you,"

"Has she?" Eirana turned her gaze, still burning, to Elaida. "Has she told you everything?"

Fright appeared on Elaida's face. "No, no, not everything...please, Eirana, don't,"

Morgase was taken aback. Fright was something she had never associated with Elaida.

Eirana didn't say anything for a long moment, just stared at Elaida, chewing her lower lip. Eirana was smaller than Elaida, just slightly, enough for Morgase to notice. She darted forward and Morgase thought she was going to strike Elaida...but she didn't. She caught Elaida's cheek and kissed her briefly, a quick brushing of the lips, and leaned her forehead against Elaida's for what seemed half a second.

Then she had backed away, smiling mockingly at Morgase. "Burn you, Morgase Trakand," Then she had turned and was stalking away, every step it seemed quickening, until she disappeared around the corner. Morgase watched her, and then glanced back at Elaida, who had one finger raised to her lips, looking wondering.

"I can't believe she followed you," Morgase said finally.

Elaida's tongue reached out to touch her lips, as she rubbed her forefinger against her thumb. It was, Morgase realised dimly, as though she was savouring the taste of Eirana. Morgase felt awkward, as though she was the third party in a marriage. "Shall we continue on?" Elaida asked quietly, as though intent upon ignoring Eirana's presence.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Elaida looking troubled. Morgase felt her own mood darkening with every step.

The Keeper, Leane, looked up when they entered the anteroom outside the Amyrlin's office. She pushed back in her chair. "Elaida Sedai, Your Majesty," Somehow it seemed she said 'Sedai' with more respect than 'Your Majesty'. That irritated Morgase. "The Amyrlin is expecting you,"

Morgase refrained from a snappy retort, simply nodded as Elaida replied, "Thank you, Keeper,"

Leane got up and led then to the door, knocking and pushing it open.

Siuan Sanche did not get up when they entered. Leane took up a position near the window, while Elaida swept forward and kissed the Amyrlin's ring. "Mother," she said softly.

"Welcome back, daughter," The Amyrlin responded, motioning her to a seat.

Morgase came forward next, pointedly not bending to kiss the Amyrlin's ring. The Tairen's eyebrows raised a fraction, before she quickly lowered her hand, as though she had not expected Morgase to kiss it at all.

"Where is Elayne?" Morgase asked coldly.

She heard Elaida shift and Leane mutter something she couldn't quite make out.

The Amyrlin's face did not flicker. "I don't know," She responded slowly.

"_You-don't-know_?" Morgase bit off every word. "How can you not know?"

"There was another incident that night, Morgase,"

"Something more important than the Daughter-Heir running away?"

"Much, much more important," The Amyrlin's voice was very low now. "The world does not revolve around Andor, Morgase, as much as you would like to believe it does,"

Morgase felt like she had been slapped. She merely stared at the Amyrlin. "She must be found,"

"Of course. She will be," She sounded quietly confident. "She is not alone. Egwene al'Vere and Nynaeve al'Meara ran away with her,"

"Much use their names are to me,"

"They must be returned to the Tower," Now the Amyrlin's voice had taken on an edge. "They _must_ be returned. If you come across them by some chance before I do, I demand you send then back to me,"

"Certainly. I have no use for them," Morgase replied. "But Elayne must be returned to Caemlyn if you find her first. _I_ demand it,"

"That would not be wise," Morgase opened her mouth to argue, but the Amyrlin drowned her out. "Elayne is very powerful. It wouldn't do if she were to die because she had not the proper training,"

Morgase bit her tongue. For a moment, all eyes in the room were on her. "Very well," She said icily. "Very well indeed - a little longer, just a little. She has no need to be Aes Sedai. It would be a hindrance rather than a help in the end, anyway, no one trusts an Aes Sedai," She could feel the disapproval radiating from Siuan Sanche. She had said it on purpose, a small spite. "And my sons shall be leaving with me,"

The Amyrlin didn't look remotely surprised or annoyed. "If you wish,"

Ah. The Princes weren't quite so important. "And only a little longer, I said," Morgase repeated. "Elayne will stay a little longer,"

"What if she wishes otherwise?"

"Then you will send her back whether you like it or not," Her tone was unacceptable, she knew, and she didn't care.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," The Amyrlin spread her hands. "I can't force the child to leave...not if she is strong and wants to learn,"

Morgase felt anger boil inside her. "But I -"

"Really, Morgase, inside the Tower you can't demand off me. Please think logically about this," Siuan sat back, as though this was all she had to say to win Morgase over.

"I don't need the Tower," The words came out, a torrent of anger. "Burn this; I do not need you,"

Siuan's eyebrow rose in a highly amused fashion.

"I don't need_ you_. And I certainly don't need you to tell me how to govern Andor," Morgase's voice was high and angry. "Elaida...Elaida Sedai shall not return with me to Andor,"

She had the satisfaction of seeing the Amyrlin's eyes widen before the guilt set in. She felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. Without Elaida...she pointedly did not look around at the Aes Sedai's face. It had been said in anger, a moment of madness, instantly regretted...yet she couldn't relent now. She couldn't show weakness in front of the insufferable Siuan Sanche, burn her. All anger was gone, replaced by a cold reality.

"But Morgase -"

"No!" Morgase responded, feeling as though she were suffocating. "You know my terms, Siuan Sanche,"

Leane gasped.

"You know my terms and you will abide by them,"

The Amyrlin's face was tight with anger. She said nothing, just stared at Morgase as though seeing her clearly for the first time. Finally, "We shall speak more tomorrow,"

"If you wish, though I do not see what about," Morgase turned and looked appealingly at Elaida, a thousand apologies in her glance. Elaida's face was bleak with shock and betrayal and she didn't acknowledge the look as Morgase passed her chair.

Morgase left alone, walking down the corridor feeling tired.

"Morgase!"

Morgase felt relief as she spun. Elaida was following her, walking quickly to keep up. They met under a lantern.

"Thank the light," Morgase said, smiling. "Thank the light you understood,"

Elaida was not smiling. "Understand? Yes, I think I understand you more now than I have done for the past twenty years,"

The smile was wiped off Morgase's face.

"You _used_ me," Elaida's voice was riddled with hurt. "You _used_ me, Morgase, after everything...you used me as a pawn in your game to strike a blow against the Tower. I'm so worthless I can be tossed aside like I'm nothing,"

"No, that's not -"

"Yes it is," Elaida replied coldly, her face half-obscured by shadow. "I thought...I thought...there was something...,"

"There _is_ -"

"Don't lie," Elaida said shortly. "Eirana told me this would end in tears. If she's anything, she is observant. I am hurt and it's my own fault, like it always is,"

Morgase said nothing, just stared helplessly at the Aes Sedai. "Please don't think that. Please,"

Elaida laughed quietly. "And what am I supposed to think?" She paused. "Goodbye, Morgase, and good luck. I hope your daughter is found," Elaida turned and Morgase half reached out to grip her elbow, but stopped.

Elaida disappeared into the shadows and Morgase alone, standing beneath the lantern.

* * *

The End 


	4. Returning

_**A Matter of State**_

**_Chapter Four:_** Returning

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own the Wheel of Time

For Whitty.

* * *

Morgase read Elayne's letter. Ordinary, day-to-say occurences, a brief mention of why she had went missing and had the Royal House up in arms, Morgase herself frantic with worry, and then onto her studies and how she had been raised to the Accepted. Sometimes Morgase did not like her daughter very much. 

But she couldn't help but smile - vaguely, kindly, at the thought of her daughter training to be the strongest Aes Sedai in centuries. Whatever she had said to Siuan Sanche, whatever Gaebril thought...Aes Sedai.

She felt a small flutter of delight. How Morgase would have liked to be Aes Sedai, had she had more strength than to fill a thimble with.

She wondered were Gaebril was. He was often busy. Often doing more than was required of him. She smiled again. It was good to have a man like that, good to have someone to take off the burden.

There was a knock at the door. Morgase looked up in time to see a maid burst into the room, out of breath, trailed by Elaida Sedai.

Elaida?

Morgase sat up straighter, staring at Elaida, who was still wrapped in her travelling cloaks that hid the tender curves of her body.

"What are you doing -" She was cut off by the maid.

"Your Majesty," The woman said through her pants or exertion. Elaida crossed her arms irritably, staring at the girl. "She insisted, Your Majesty, forced her way in - and Lord Gaebril gave strict instructions that you were not to be -"

"Lord Gaebril does not rule in Andor," Elaida said sharply. "You'd do well to remember that,"

"But - "

Morgase was still staring at Elaida, whose trust and respect she had managed to destroy not so long ago. A month, at best. "Leave us," She said to the maid.

"But, Your Majesty, Lord Gaebril -"

Morgase felt herself waver at the mention of Gaebril's name. Would he be angry with her? She had been forbidden any private chats with anybody, particularly Aes Sedai. She chewed her lower lip, uncertain.

"Didn't you hear me, girl?" Elaida's voice was low and dangerous. Morgase glanced up at her, again surprised at how she noticed how darkly beautiful Elaida was angry, and then again at the maid, who quivered - with fear, more than likely, than with indignation. "Gaebril's word means nothing. _Nothing_,"

"Yes," Morgase agreed half-heartedly.

The girl looked torn, wondering whose wrath would be worse, the Queen's or Gaebril's. She slowly curtseyed and backed out, clicking the door shut behind her.

Elaida's head swung around towards Morgase at the sound of the click. Morgase was strong enough in the power to know when a ward against eavesdropping was being woven.

"I was sent," Elaida said in a low voice, almost a purr. "To inform you that you daughter has been found - or came back would be more accurate. But - ah! I see," She plucked the letter from Morgase's lap, scanning the contents and managing a smirk at the signature. "I see you have been informed. The Amyrlin Seat thought you might wish to apologise and reinstate me as Adviser,"

This barely registered with Morgase. She was staring up at Elaida's face, trying to remember how long it had been. Elaida had been weighing on her mind all the way back to Caemlyn , guilt gnawed at her, yet, when she returned, it seemed as if it simply...vanished. She could not remember why or when, but suddenly all her attention was fixed squarely on Gaebril, who had wormed his way in so quickly it was as if he had always been there. She could not remember the days when Elaida and Gareth Byrne alone advised her

Elaida's face flickered with ill-hid concern. "Things have changed, Morgase,"

"Oh?"

"Who is this Gaebril that I've heard so much about?"

"A man - an advisor and suitor," Morgase's face flushed.

Elaida's expression did not change. She tapped the letter thoughtfully to the side of her mouth. "Suitor? When did this come about?"

"Not long after I came back from Tar Valon," Morgase replied, then, suddenly, with a rising sense of pleasure, "I'm glad you came back,"

Elaida glanced at her, surprised. "Really?"

"I missed you,"

Elaida could not contain the smile that tugged at her mouth. She coughed abruptly, to hide it. "Yes, well...you have handed over all aspects of business to him?"

"Not ialli," Though, in truth, she could not think of a thing he was not involved in. Her face flushed again, this time with a deeper embarrassment. At the time, it had seemed perfectly reasonable. Yet now, with Elaida's eyes peering down, judging, it seemed foolish.

Elaida just continued to stare. Morgase hated being pitied. "I love him," She said defensively. "I want the man I love to be involved in what I do,"

"You loved Thomdil and Taringail," Elaida replied flatly. She omited herself from the list. "And you never let them become so involved - indeed, Taringail wanted to become involved and you wouldn't let him. It is rumoured that Thomdil Merrilin's knives found their way into your husband because of that,"

"Thomdil? Taringail?" The names stirred brief, illusive memories, like ghosts dancing at the edge of her perceptiveness.

Elaida's forehead creased with worry. "And, above all, Morgase..._you've_ changed," She paused delicately and then, with meaning behind the words, "In weeks,"

Morgase merely shrugged. "Nonsense,"

Elaida veered away from Morgase to stand in front of the window, peering out. She made a conscious effort not to look around. "You seem weak, Morgase,"

The Queen gasped, pulling herself from the chair and following Elaida angrily. "Weak?"

"Very weak," Still Elaida did not turn. "I have heard things on the road - the Madness of the Queen. Whippings, beatings of your most loyal servants," She turned and peered into the Morgase's eyes. "Did Gaebril tell you to do that?"

"Of course not!" He had, of course. Brought her rumours of plots, of secret meetings between houses to plan her downfall. Morgase felt a nasty weight settle in her stomach. Yet that was all they had been - rumours. Elaida was picking holes in Morgase's reality.

Elaida was still staring, still with that vestige of pity. Then, without warning, she leaned forward and brushed her lips across Morgase's. Morgase felt something stir inside her, a forgotten passion, and felt herself wishing, urging Elaida for more.

And Elaida gave nothing. She detangled herself from Morgase's insistent arms, gently brushing her lips across Morgase's brow. "You're not the person I knew,"

Morgase leaned against Elaida, feeling the taller woman's arms wrap around her frame and hold her close. "Light, I know," She whispered. "Dear light, I know,"

Elaida held her silently for a time. "Who is Gaebril?" She repeated.

"I don't know," She pulled back, staring up. "_I don't know_. He has a hold over me, Elaida, a hold I can't break, no matter what I do..." A sob choked her breast. "I sent Gareth away,"

Elaida's face was bleak, as she held the Queen tightly to her chest. "You'll find a way out, my love,"

Morgase felt herself smile shyly. "I like it when you call me that,"

"Mm?"

"'My love',"

"Oh," Elaida looked embarrassed. "Well..."

"Ladies," Their heads turned. Gaebril had entered, the door still open behind him, the maid standing in the hall, looking triumphant. He ignored her, shutting the door. "Am I interrupting?"

Morgase realised she was still cradled in Elaida's arms and her hands were still wrapped about her neck. Hideous embarrassment crept over her. Elaida did not seem to be. If anything, she held Morgase closer. "Lord Gaebril, I presume?" She said shortly.

"Elaida Sedai?" He smiled. "Our dear Queen's Aes Sedai lover,"

This time Morgase was sure of it. Elaida clung to her, her hand reached up to cup Morgase's cheek protectively, running her thumb over it.

Gaebril laughed. Elaida glowered at him, but still didn't release Morgase. "She's mine, Elaida, you realise," He flung himself in the chair Morgase had vacated.

Morgase felt herself starting to agree with him again. Certainly, she was his. When they were making love, thats what he made her repeat, over and over. What was she doing in this Aes Sedai's arms? Gently, she untangled herself, still feeling a certain tenderness for the older woman.

Elaida stared at her, but did not let her arms drop. For a moment, they stared at each other. Even with Gaebril crooning at her to come to him, Morgase could not tear herself completely from Elaida, whom she had thought she may be in love with a mere month ago.

"All I ever wanted to do," Elaida said finally, with a croak to her voice. "Was to protect and love you, Morgase, that's all I ever wanted. I never wanted your throne,"

"But you certainly want the Throne of the Aes Sedai?" Gaebril said mockingly.

Elaida didn't seem to hear. She kissed Morgase - sweetly, gently, on the lips. She tasted like honeyed tea, Morgase thought. "If this is truly what you want, Morgase," Now there was a plea in her voice. "_Truly_ then I will leave you alone,"

Morgase gazed at her. "Of course it is,"

Gaebril laughed again, patting his lap, asking her to sit. Elaida's lip curled. "As you wish. Since Elayne has been found, I shall inform the Amyrlin to send another Aes Sedai to advise - "

"You shall not," Gaebril leaned forward, suddenly intense. "You shall tell the Amyrlin that Andor doesn't need her guidance. True, Morgase?"

"True," She said softly, dazedly. Her mind was spinning lucidly. She needed to lie down, perhaps, and have some honeyed tea.

Elaida's tongue darted out to wet her lips, glancing between the two. "If you wish," She said, uncertainly.

"Yes - and you, Aes Sedai, should leave Caemlyn right away," Gaebril said sharply, not even bothering to ask Morgase's agreement this time.

"But - " Gaebril stood up. Elaida's face flickered, hovering undecidedly between anger and submissiveness. Her eyes lingered on Morgase's before she concluded, "If it is the will of the Queen,"

"It is," Gaebril said. Morgase nodded slowly.

"So be it," She said softly. She turned to leave, stopping at the door as though she wished to say more. Her hand lingered on the handle, as though she were bracing herself for an attack. She turned her head and opened her mouth, before looking irritated with herself and slamming the door behind her.

"Fool Aes Sedai," Gaebril commented.

* * *

_**The End**_


End file.
